@ 2:18 a.m. on Saturday, Sept. 27, 2003
Feeling a little disappointed tonight. I've been so good all week. I was really proud of myself till tonight.
I went on my course from Tues - Fri and it was a struggle to be good, but I did it! Tuesday I kept to my points (just) and Wednesday I went 4.5 points over, so cut back my points by 4.5 points on Thursday, which I stuck to, with 1 point left over...Yay me! Today started out well with breakfast and lunch but then I had my once a month "dinner club" with my friends and I went a bit haywire...I didn't count my wine...God knows how much I drank...(Though not as much as usual, switched to water pretty early on)....We were at a Lebanese restaurant and I went a bit overboard...ate till I was stuffed and uncomfortable...sigh...
I'm feeling a bit depressed about it...and about certain happenings during the night and I start to get feelings of wanting to just blow the whole Weight Watchers thing and console myself with food tomorrow too...I won't do it though...I'm back to 3 very low point days to make up for tonight. I really want to lose still on Monday night...
So what's gotten me down tonight...The fact that my best friend in the whole world is so beautiful and gets all the attention of every male...We went to our favourite bar tonight and it's hard not to notice all the attention she gets...I had a male friend there and afterwards some of our close friends commented how nice he was and how great he would be for my best friend....It's always the way...they never think of commenting on how great some guy would be for me...It's like they confirm what I feel...No guy would ever be interested in me anyway...The other friend corrected him and said "He'd be good for "PrincessLost" too" and he said "oh yeah of course, but I just saw him making eyes at "...."(insert my best friend's name here)"....and I get this little dagger in my heart because I know it's true...It's not even that I like him or want anything with him...I just wish it could be me someone was making eyes with for a change....It makes me sad ...and it's so much harder when it's your best friend...I almost start thinking I shouldn't go out with her anymore which is just silly...And how superficial of me to care about such stupid things...but I guess after being the one overlooked all these years, you just get sick of it...
Sometimes I imagine that maybe some guy is showing interest in me, but night's like tonight just make me feel ridiculous that I could ever think someone would like me at this weight. I shouldn't have to lose weight to feel good about myself, but I'm beginning to think that is the only way.
Starting Weight: 143.6kg | 315.92 Pounds
Current Weight: %%option1%%
Goal Weight: 60kg | 132 Pounds
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