@ 11:22 p.m. on Sunday, Oct. 26, 2003
I think I have a boyfriend...
I'm so overwhelmed by all this. WB stayed the night on Saturday night. We had Indian food delivered and sat there talking and listening to music all night. We kissed and hugged a lot. Our first kiss last night...It was amazing.
We spent the night in each other's arms. Neither of us got much sleep, but it was so nice to just cuddle all night. He didn't even try to take things further which has just made me have so much respect for him. He's such a gentleman.
He came to church with me today too...Another very good sign. He held my hand while were sitting down too...It was an amazing feeling...Basically what I've been dreaming of for 2 years now.
After I dropped him off I went through my usual emotional roller coaster. I started having all these feelings of doubt about WB and felt like he was never going to call me again and just got all depressed. I have this pain inside me that really needs to be healed. I know exactly where it comes from too...One bad experience with a guy basically destroyed my ability to trust men and I find myself constantly expecting to be disappointed by them or hurt by them. Tonight I felt God call me into my room. I put on a new CD I bought this weekend called Prayerworks and it is the most beautiful moving CD. I got down on my knees and broke down. I cried out to God to heal me. I told him I was sorry for putting WB before him...I have this terrible habit of becoming obsessed with the person I'm interested in and not thinking about anything else. I asked God to help with that and just cried in sorrow for treating not giving him the respect he deserved. I (once again) asked God to help me just let go of WB and help me realise that whatever happens with him will be ok, regardless of whether it works or not. I just cried and cried out of sorrow and desperation to be healed and out of my love for God. This will probably freak out non-Christians...I know it would have freaked me out 3 years ago...But now my love for him is so overwhelming, I wish everyone could feel this way.
Anyway after this huge emotional healing, I was laying on my bed, still thinking about all that stuff and WB called!! Just like he said he would!! He told me he missed me and wished I was there right now. He said he enjoyed last night so much and wished he could wake up next to me all the time. The whole conversation was just amazing and it was exactly what I needed to hear. I really need to stop doubting him. It seems we are both feeling crazy about each other and it is freaking us both out a bit. He said that as much as he really wanted to meet me and come to my church etc, he was never expecting to be interested in me in this way and for things to work out the way they have. He told me he was worried about smothering me, which of course I told him it could never happen and it would more likely be the other way around! But he said he didn't want me to give him space, he basically had lost a desire to do anything except be with me! Sigh...I still can't believe this is happening...My God is a good God...
Haven't been counting points...Back to it tomorrow. I just haven't been home to be organised enough to prepare meals and cook etc...I really need to get my act together though AND I need to go to Weight Watchers this week!!!
Starting Weight: 143.6kg | 315.92 Pounds
Current Weight: %%option1%%
Goal Weight: 60kg | 132 Pounds
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Reading: %%option3%%
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Engaged! - Sunday, Dec. 28, 2003
Week 10, Day 64 - Tuesday, Nov. 11, 2003
My Prince - Sunday, Nov. 09, 2003
An update at last - Wednesday, Nov. 05, 2003
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